When Not Helping Hurts

Sitting in an office of the Headteacher of a government school in Northern Kenya, my heart sinks as she shares the stories. Girls as young as 11 being married off in child marriages and so not attending school. Boys never going to school as they are trained to be herdsmen. Female genital mutilation still happening. Parents not feeling that the education system has anything to offer their children.

Then I speak to some children. They are not in school. The stories are equally depressing.

And I feel so sad for these children, the lost opportunities and unreleased potential. 

I realise there is a cultural thing going on here but I think the majority of Kenya would not be accepting of such situations. Education is one thing in Kenya that is universally valued and I am always so amazed at just how many Kenyans struggle and sacrifice just to give their children the best education they can. These women (below) I met are good examples of this.

And I feel so helpless that I cannot do anything to make a difference!

My mind is buzzing with what we can do to ‘help’. I have lots of ideas and questions but I realise I still have to listen more. I can’t fix everything and nor should I. I have to do what I know is best, even though it is against my immediate reactions - I have to  journey together with the people of the community as they reach their own conclusions, dreams and solutions.

But I feel so useless that I can’t immediately come up with a project to get things sorted.

You see I have learnt in the last few years that to really work with a transformational heart means not taking people’s power away by trying to fix their problems. To work sensitively, empowering people and promoting our belief that all people should live with dignity means recognising people’s strengths rather than just seeing their problems. To work with a compassionate heart means not shaming or embarrassing people by implying your ways are the best or that they should know better. And to work with an open mind and steady heart means walking with people at their pace and not overwhelming them with too much information and opinions.

So change takes time and needs to be as a result of my willingness to journey with communities together and be gentle in my guidance and support. Of course of this is underpinned with love, compassion and kindness. Not being able to help hurts me but jumping in with two feet could hurt the community and children who are part of it more.

So then I wonder what exactly I could do at this stage and the answer becomes clearer. Talk. Facilitate open discussion and community consultations with the people of this specific area and be fervent in prayer. That is all I can do for now.

I am trying to read through the whole bible in one year (although I am hopelessly behind) and on the same trip I was reminded of Israel’s plight as they approached the Red Sea. It appears to be a situation which is impossible – the sea is front of them and the Egyptians are behind them. The only thing Moses could do was to be strong and talk to God. (Exodus 14:13-14)

So with this situation, it seems little I can do to make any lasting difference at this stage. So all I can do at this stage is to stay strong and pray God will provide the opportunities to move forward just as He did with the Israelites.